I nanny for a 1 year old girl (BabyGirl) and 4 (A/Master of Disaster) & 6 (J/Whiny Magee) year old boys. As you can imagine I hear some of the funniest things ever said. Master of Disaster actually asked me once "Jessica, why are you so bossy" And my response was,"because I'm the boss"
I have an automatic car starter and I almost always use it. And I almost always leave my windshield wipers on.
I was strapping in the kids. BabyGirl on one side and then on the other side Whiny Magee first and then Master of Disaster. So Master of Disaster always hangs out outside the car for awhile when Whiny Magee is getting buckled up.
MofD: Jess!!! You're windshield wipers wiped and you weren't controlling them!!
And in case you were wondering: yes I have three car seats in my car. And no I don't drive a van. They are all jam packed in
We're making pancakes again, and Master of Disaster is sans shirt. He wanted to crack some eggs and I let him. Needless to say he got egg on his shirt so we took it off and he said he didn't want to wear a shirt today. We're not going anywhere so i don't care if he is shirtless. . .I'm picking my battles here people!
So we're making pancakes and he keeps sticking his hands down his pants. In the back. I told him to go wash his hands and keeps his hands out of his pants.
So this morning I woke up to no hot water in my apartment. Have no fear, awesome reader, I work someplace that has not one, but three showers for showering needs. So I packed up a bag and went to work looking like a trucker: baseball hat, big ass old hoodie. The dad boss says "Oh look at you all bundled up." Was that his way of saying I look like junk?
So after Whiny Magee goes to school and BabyGirl goes down for a nap, Master of Disaster and I go upstairs. I turn on the TV in the parent's room for MofD to watch while I jump in the shower.
Me: Master of Disaster, you know how when Mommy takes a shower you sometimes go in and talk to her?
Me: Well when I'm in the shower do you think you should come in?
Me: Why not?
MofD: Thinking for a second You don't want me to see your girl parts
Me: good (I was actually quite impressed he figured it out on his own)
MofD: What if I have to go potty?
Me: Well where else could you go if that happened?
MofD: In my room. (the boys' rooms are connected by bathroom Brady Bunch style)
Not sure if I've mentioned that they are doing some remodeling at work. But they are doing some remodeling at work. And by remodeling I mean: knocking down a wall between the kitchen and living room, repainting the kitchen cabinets, getting a new stove, oven, and fridge, putting down new hardwood floors, and putting in new sliding glass doors. So everything that was in the living room and kitchen cabinets needed to be moved into the dining room and playroom. So take a moment and envision the Hell that that all was. Also picture no stove or oven for about a week and a half and the fridge was in the garage. So everything is just about done and the place looks A-MAZE-ING! Their new fridge is the biggest thing I have ever seen. I am jealous because I know I will never have such a nice kitchen. Poor Jess!
Anyhoo...they are slowly moving things back into the kitchen, but because there are new cabinets or missing cabinets, everything has a new home. And I can't find anything. Side note: My parents redid their kitchen about 5 years ago and they also moved things around. I still, to this day five years later, open up what use to be the silver ware draw only to find measuring cups and baking stuff. My dad will say "there's no silverware in there." To which I reply "well for 25 years there was" That'll teach him! So Master of Disaster and I were going to make pancakes. The boys eat them everyday for breakfast so I make like a triple batch and put them in the fridge. It's actually in my contract as one of my responsibilities as a nanny. So we're trying to make pancakes, but do you think I can find the Bisquick??
Me: Master of Disaster, if you were the Bisquick, where would you be?
MofD: I don't know
Me: hmmmm...where is the Bisquick??
MofD: What's Bisquick?
Me: What we use to make the pancakes
MofD: Maybe Daddy is playing a joke on us and hid it!
I end up texting my boss and he called to tell me where he thought it was. It was in a box that hadn't been unpacked. Crisis adverted!!
While we were making the pancakes:
Master of Disaster: We got a new fridgerator, and a new stove and a new microwave. But that's old.
Me: What is?
MofD: That thing over there. pointing
Me: What is that called?
MofD: I don't know
Me: Well what do we use it for?
MofD: To cook your waffles.
Ok, so he was talking about the toaster oven and he was right, I bring waffles everyday for breakfast.
Remember how Master of Disaster said this? Well this weekend they went to their grandparent's house and I guess Master of Disaster picked out a pumpkin for me. So this morning their mom goes to the car to get it and MofD starts to cry and scream that it was *his* pumpkin and he didn't want me to have it. Then he told me that I could have one of the "pumpkins" that is out front by the tree. Ya know what? It's not even a pumpkin. it's a freakin' gourd! Awesome!!
And also did you know that the highest mountain in the world is Mt Neverst??
**Whiny Magee: I've never been to your house before
Me: I know. But it's an apartment not a house, so it's small than yours. What rooms do you think I have in my apartment?
WM: I don't know
Me: Well what rooms would I *need* to have
WM: A family room
Me: not so much
WM: a bedroom?
WM: how many do you have?
Me: well it's just me so I only need one bedroom
**As we walk in front of my building to get to my door which is on the side of my building.
Whiny Magee: Your house is H-U-G-E!
Me: Well this is not all mine. There are a lot of people's apartments in there
Master of Disaster: But it still pretty big
**I have a Bath and Body Works Halloween themed foaming soap in my bathroom. It was a picture of a jack o lantern on it.
Master of Disaster: Oh I like your pumpkin soap. I think it's really cool!!
**I clearly only have one bed since I only have one bedroom. So the boys needed to share it for nap time.
Master of Disaster: Jess, someday can you buy us little beds for your house?
Me: You want me to get you beds to sleep in for my house?
Me: Well...I'll tell ya what. If for some reason you ever have to live with me then I will get you beds. But you would never have to live with me.
Whiny Magee: Yeah that would be silly
MofD: But I want you to buy me little bed.
I found that whole conversation extra funny because both boys have full size beds. So don't even have "little beds" at their house. And then I felt as though I needed to explained to their parents that I *did not* tell the boys they were going to live with me. Just in case.
**The boys are both in my bathroom. Whiny Magee is on the potty and Master of Disaster is waiting. MofD comes out into the kitchen
MofD: Jess, you have a bath tub and shower behind that thing in the bathroom!!!!!!!
Me: Behind my shower curtain??!!
MofD: Yeah! Isn't that cool?
Me: That I have a bath tub in my *bathroom*?
MofD: Yeah! Come see!!
We go into the bathroom where he proudly throws back my shower curtain to shower to show me my bath tub.
** I really like place mats. I have them for all the holidays and seasons. So clearly I have some Halloween ones out right now. I have two sets: one has spiderwebs and one has some bats.
Master of Disaster: These are cool place mats. Can you bring them to my house?
MofD: But they are cool.
Me: But they're mine. So they need to stay at my house. You have cool Toy Story and Spiderman place mats at your house.
MofD: But we don't have place mats with bats on them at my house.
So today the boys (and BabyGirl) spent the day at my house. They are getting their hardwoods re-done and we can't be in the house. The boys said some of the funniest things today in regards to my apartment. But, unfortunately, I just got out of class and I do not feeling like writing a post only because I know in my present state of mind I will not do them justice. So stay tuned for tomorrow's amazing post.