Thursday, April 28, 2011


A: Jess why do you work at our house?

Me:  Well it's just where I go to work.  I don't know

A:When we are big we can take care of ourselves.

Me:  (under my breath)  There will a point were I won't be working here anymore anyways

A: And when we are big and you forget us, it will be ok.

WHAT??!!  Forget them???  Have I EVER forgot them before??!!

Tuesday, April 26, 2011


Every Tuesday I go to Balsam Bagels.  They have the best bagels and the best customer service.  I heart them.  It's on the corner of Balsam and Winton (near Blossom) so if you ever find yourself in that area, and you're hankering for a bagel you should stop in (they have other yummy stuff too).
The boys know about my bagel habit.  Sometimes I even get them a chocolate chip or french toast bagel.  The other day we drove past Balsam and I pointed it out to them, J asked if we could go there together some day. 

So I got an egg, bacon, cheddar with Raspberry Jalapeno cream cheese on a salsa bagel (I only get one of two things there and they know I love me some salsa bagel!!).  As I was eating A asked me if it was a doughnut.

Me:  No, it's a bagel

A:  Where's the white stuff? (cream cheese)

Me:  It's a sandwich.  There's egg and cheese and bacon.....

A:  BACON!  I want some bacon!

Me: Well it's in my sandwich I don't have any bacon for you

A: I want to try your sandwich

I should tell you that A will want to try anything you are eating.  Most times he does like it, he has an amazing palate for a 3 year old.  But as long as someone else is eating, he wants it too.  There have been times when I have purposely eaten raw veggies in front of him so he will eat them. 

Me:  I don't know if you will like it....but alright

He tried it, seemed to like although he told me that it was a little hot so he "fooffed" on it.  Which normally means blowing on your food, but this time he blew a bunch of air out of his mouth and fanned his mouth.  I know I've done that when I eat food that's too hot and he has seen me do it.  Then he told me he needed to drink some water to make it go away. 

I just love that he heard "bacon" and knew he wanted some

Monday, April 25, 2011

boy music

This is an old funny story but it's one of my favorites.

A is really into "boy" stuff vs. "girl" stuff.  He only likes "boy" stuff and that includes "boy" music.  Which, apparently, means it's a male singer.  He will always ask if we are listening to "boy music" or "girl music".  And then when he hears a female singer he tells me he doesn't like "girl" music.  And it never fails that J will be a suck up and pipe in that he likes both boy and girl music. 

The boys are hyper-aware of technology that we didn't have as kids, so they will always ask to "see the song" on my iPod.  And I've tried to explain that not all songs we listen to are on my iPod and that sometimes even when it is, there might not be a picture.  They kinda grasp that idea. 

So we were listen to Adam Lambert (and yes I am aware that I am a pop music whore and love horrible music) and A asked  what kind of music it was. 

Me: This is boy music.

A:  No it's girl music!!!  I don't like girl music!

Me: A, it's boy music.  His name is Adam. That's a boy's name

A:  No it's not.

Me:  Here I'll show you the picture....(I should have realized my mistake right there)

Yes, A, it's a boy
Needless to say he did not believe me we were listening to "boy music"

funniest morning ever (or at least in a while)

As soon as i walked into work this morning A couldn't wait to tell me all about his "bubble blaster car wash" that he got for Easter.  And then he told me that the Easter bunny gave him Tangled (which I haven't seen yet). 

Me:  I'm so excited about that.  Can I borrow it?

A:  No, it's not yours.  It's mine

Me: Please can I borrow it?  (mind you, I am borrowing it either way, he won't know)

A: no

Dad:  Well she let your borrow her Peter Pan and....

J: ....Her Monsters Inc.

Dad:  yeah Monsters Inc.

Me: What if I promise that I will bring it back?

A: You can borrow it for a little bit

**Then while we were eating breakfast I asked them if E got an Easter basket too.  She did but apparently she did not get any candy.  Go figure since she's 6 months and can't eat it. 

J:  She got a rattle and some stuffed animals for her room.

A:  She didn't get any candy though

Me:  Well she can't eat that anyway so it's ok.

A:  Why didn't she get any?

Me:  Well the Easter bunny is magic and know how old you guys are and knows that she can't eat it yet.

A:  Well you guys could mush up her candy then she can eat it.

**On Friday the boys saw a hula hoop at the library and I told them that maybe we could get them from Target.  Which reminds me that I didn't post this story.  A got hit in the face by the hula hoop Friday and was rightfully sad.  I told the boys that maybe we shouldn't play with the hula hoop inside and that maybe we could go get one from Target so we could play with them outside at their house.

A (in tears for the whole conversation):  what if Target doesn't have them?

Me:  I bet they do

A:  But what if they don't?

Me:  Then we will go to another Target

A:  What if they don't have boy ones?

Me:  They will

A:  What if they don't?

Me: Then I will go online and get some

A: What if there aren't any online?

Me:  Then we will tell Mommy and she can get you one

A:  What if Mommy says no?

Me:  Has Mommy ever said no to you?

This went on for a bit....

**So anyhoo I found some "boy" hula hoops and got them this weekend.  I told the boys I had a surprise for them in my trunk.  Then they started to guess a bunch of random things so I told them that it was something we talked about getting on Friday and J immediately said hula hoop (he's so smart). I told them I got one for each of them and I got myself one too.  I had to tell them that I bought it for me to keep at their house because A gets really upset when I leave things behind and begs his mom to call me so I can come back to get it (even though I will be right back the next day), It's usually my coffee cups.  So I have to be very specific about the things I mean to leave behind. 

Me:  So I bought it to leave here

J:  Yeah because hula hooping by yourself is no fun

Me: And you guys are so're like my best friends ever

J:  Yeah we're the coolest of the cool

Where do they come up with this stuff??!!

**We got to school early to drop J off, so we parked in the lot of a few minutes.  A asked what would happen if someone took J.  Not quite sure why he was thinking about that. 

Me:  Well I would look all over the world to find him

A: What if you couldn't find him?

Me:  I would keep looking

A:  What if the bad guys were too fast for you?  (so I guess it's "bad guys" that want to take J)

Me:  Then I would find the fastest car ever and look for J

A & J:  giggle

J:  I think your car is really fast

Me:  really?

J:  Yeah, it goes past 100!!

Me:  That it does.  (and I don't think my car could actually go 100 but the speedometer says so)

J:  It goes like 10 past 100!!

**Now we are home and A is playing with his bubble blaster car wash

A:  Jess look how backed up it is (there are about 10 matchbox cars piled on top of the car wash)

Me:  WOW!  Look at all those cars that need to get washed.

A: They're dirty

Me:  How did they get so dirty

A: Bird poop!

it really was backed up!!

Wednesday, April 20, 2011

lolli pop

We were playing with Tinkertoys today.  J used a "wheel" and a "rod" to make me a blue lolli pop.  He walks over to me...

J:  I made you a lolli pop

Me:  oh yum!  (pretend to eat it) nom nom nom...what flavor is it?

J:  ummm cheese!!

angry face

This morning the boys were out of control.  They weren't being horrible but they just wouldn't listen and it was extremely frustrating to have them completely ignore both mine and their mother's directions.  As we were getting ready to leave, J was not listening.  I pointed to my face and asked him if it was a happy face.

J:  no

Me: what kind of face is this?

J: angry face

Me:  and who do you think made my face like this??

A: God.

Tuesday, April 19, 2011

"my boss"

The boys have a large cardboard "house" that they are always coloring on and "fixing up".  It was the box that E's rocking chair came in and to be honest I'm jealous that I didn't have one when I was a kid.  So they are coloring it with J's new crayons when I hear A say, "my boss says i have to go to work"

Me: your boss says you have to go to work?

A: yeah!

Me:  what kind of work do you have to do?

A:  my boss says I have to go....that's why he's so mean!  I want to stay home....and I'll NEVER LEAVE (insert scrunched up 'mean' face)

Me:  But if your boss says you have to go to work then you have to go to work

A: I'll never leave!!!

Monday, April 18, 2011

and a remote...

We were playing in the family room this morning when A started to play in their beach tent that is out (for some reason).  He was having fun talking to me while I pretended that I couldn't see him.  He kept zipping and unzipping it and bringing toys in.  Finally he came out and said to me and J, "I have my own TV in here!"  I asked him what he was going to watch and he told me he didn't know yet.  Five minutes later he came back out to tell me that he had a remote control too.

Friday, April 15, 2011


Yesterday was J's birthday, so I stayed home with E and the rest of the family had a family outing.  They went to the Museum of Play, Red Robin and then they saw Tangled at the dollar theater.  Today I asked him about the movie. 

Me: so what happened in the movie?

J: the princess got lost

Me:  what else?

J:  the boy went to find her

Me:  and..?

J: she was locked in a castle

Me: oh wow!  a castle??!!

J:  and her mom was mean.  she was pretend....she was not her real mom

Me:  not her real mom?!

J:  yeah

Me:  what made the princess special?

J: she had really long hair

Me:  long hair!?  how mine??  (my hair is super short FYI)

J:  (giggles)  no

Me:  like mommy's??

J:  nope

Me: how long was it?

J:  it was so long it was ridiculous!!

now I have no idea if that was quote from the movie but it was pretty funny anyways

Wednesday, April 13, 2011

what number are you?

Every Wednesday, after I drop J off at school, I take A & E to the chiropractors office so I can get adjusted.  And just so you know, hearing a 3 year old say chiropractor is pretty funny.  On the way there today A asks me what number I am.  I honestly had no idea what he was talking about.  I wondered if maybe he saw me get off the exit and read the numbers.  So I asked him, "huh?" 

A:  What number are you?

Me:  What do you mean? What number?

A: You. How did you get to be so big?

Me:  You mean how old am I?

A: yeah! 

The conversation continued and we talked about eating all your fruits and veggies and drink your milk and exercising.  It's nice when lessons just fall into my lap like that.

Tuesday, April 12, 2011

cool breeze

It's technically spring. But, since we live in upstate NY, that doesn't mean anything.  Everyone is getting cabin fever so we went outside this morning in the lively 45 degree weather.  A was in timeout, which should not surprise anyone.  He kept trying to talk to me and I kept telling telling him "no talking in timeout."  Finally I say, "I'm not talking to you while you're in timeout."  Ever so quietly, almost under his breath I hear him say "I can talk to myself."

Later, after we had been out for a while, I say (to no one in particular) that I am getting chilly.  I have yet to acquire my New Yorker blood after being in the South.  A tells me "I'm getting so warm from this cool breeze."  I guess we need to start working more on opposites.

Monday, April 11, 2011

Oh Monday

I already have a feeling that nothing funny is going to happen today.  I'm guessing that A didn't take a single nap this weekend :(

Do you think they will notice if they come home to only 2 children???

Friday, April 8, 2011

that's a lot of pretzels

Scene:  kitchen counter, I'm feeding E a bottle and J is hanging out with us.  I am opening, successfully I might add, a large BJ's container of pretzels with one hand (I rock).

Me: you want a pretzel?

J: no

Me: ok, well I'm having some

J: we can't eat all those in one day

Me: oh my god that would be crazy!  This is a lot of pretzels!

J: yeah it's bigger than my face!!

End scene with me choking on pretzel pieces

fake sandwiches??

Apparently I must be in the habit of making fake sandwiches.  Most times I won't tell the boys what exactly we are having for lunch until they have already eaten it.  This usually staves off the drama of all the "I don't like that!!"  It works wonders, by the way.  After J finished lunch I told him that I made two different kinds of sandwiches and mixed them up.  He got two pieces of PB & raspberry jelly and two pieces of PB & orange jelly (since if I told him it was marmalade, it would have opened a whole other can of worms).  He told me they were both yummy and he couldn't tell.  I guess the both "tasted like real sandwiches"  Which begs the question: do I usually make fake sandwiches??

put your jammies in the hamper

When I got to work this morning A was naked from the waist down sitting on the potty with only a Scooby Doo pajama top on.  He has recently discovered the joy of being naked and is usually completely naked when I get to work and getting him dressed is always a great time (man I really wish there was a front for sarcasm here).  So anyhoo...after A gets off the potty his mom told him to go put his PJ bottoms in the hamper and throw away his pull-up.  He complained about how he "couldn't"  or that his "legs were too sore" (that seems to be his go to response if he doesn't want to do something-his legs seem to always be sore).  While they are having this conversation J and I go to listen to a CD he found.  And today I learned that apparently J's Lightning McQueen CD player plays "the best music ever"  Clearly today was going to be my lucky day!  At some point, for some reason (probably because he was being a booger)A had to go to time out.  When timeout was over he still hadn't put away his PJ bottoms away.  His mom told him he needed to stay in his room until they were away.  About 5 minutes later he comes over to me (still naked from the waist down) and I ask him if his jammies are away.   In a really, pitifully tearful voice he tells me "I can't find my Scooby shirt".  

me: Dude, look down (yes, I called him dude)

A: giggle and exit scene left

Thursday, April 7, 2011

"you did the law!"

So while we are in the car A always asks me about red lights and stop signs.   He gets it but doesn't quite understand that not everyone has a red light at the same time or that the people right across from us also have one.  So he is constantly asking me "why isn't that truck going?" or "why doesn't everyone stop at the red light?" Now I know he is only 3, but I have found that sometimes the best way to talk to him is like I talk to everyone else.  I'm trying to explain that, yes, everyone needs to stop at red lights because it's the law.  He replies that no not everyone does.  How do I explain traffic violations to a 3 year old??  So I tell him that if you don't stop, then the police will (and I realize now that I should have said can) come and yell at you.  He asks how do the police know.  So I go on to explain that sometimes there are cameras in the lights and the police can see you.  And I know this is probably way more than a 3 year should have to understand, but as I said before I talk to him like an adult.  He doesn't get it really, so he asks if it's like magic.  Yes, it's like magic A (sometimes it's just easier to go with it).  We have had this conversation more than once.  And last week on the way to Target I drove through a yellow light that must have turned red as we passed under it.  A got all excited and told me I didn't stop at the red light and that I "just did the law!" I didn't break the law, the police weren't coming after me...oh no, I did the law!

Everything I end up teaching these kids some how comes back to haunt me.